Tag Archives: Kara Sundlun

Finding Dad

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.

Sigmund Freud

                 This father’s day I am looking forward to honoring my husband, Dennis, an amazing father to our two little ones, with extra sleep, breakfast, beer, maybe a lobster roll on a beach, or anything else he may want in addition to the smeary clay pottery the kids made for him that says  “I love you Daddy.”   For me seeing my kids celebrate Daddy is more than just a fun day in June.  It’s proof of an awesome monumental shift in my own life that started with my father righting a wrong.

      Like so many other kids in America I grew up fatherless.  When I got old enough to wonder who my real father was I found him, and he happened to become the Governor of Rhode Island so it was easy for me to find his work address pre-Google to send him a letter.  It would take many more letters and  phone calls from me, and eventually lawyers, to make my father acknowledge me. It was messy, and difficult, but the happy ending is why I wrote a memoir called Finding Dad: From Love Child to Daughter.  I want people to know it’s never too late to forgive.  I want Fathers to know your kids need you to be a Dad, so even if you messed up go back and ask for a re-do.

 

    My father did a 180.  He asked me to come and live with him as I was about to turn 18 so we could get to know each other.  I did and met the other half of me.  My father’s entrance into my life felt like someone poured concrete into my shaky foundation.  My mother was a devoted single mom, but she was only half of the recipe that I needed to feel safe in the world.

     We are becoming a fatherless America with one out of every three births occurring outside a marriage and many fathers have little or no connection with their children.  If we want a healthy, stable, and yes prosperous America we need fathers.  Just look a what Freud taught us at the top of this post.  On the journey to find my father I found myself as I went from love child to daughter.  My father righted his wrongs in moments.  There was no long maudlin speech about messing up, we used humor to ease the awkwardness like when a woman said “Governor can you kiss my baby,” at a political event and he said to her “Have you met my new baby?” putting his arm around me.  He walked me down the aisle and handed me over the a great guy that has become the father every little girl dreams of.  Stats show, and I believe, I wouldn’t have ended up with such a loving, healthy marriage, without a father.  My father healed me by doing things for my children he missed with me, little things like getting ice cream on Father’s Day.  I’ve learned forgiveness is a tunnel to love. So on this Father’s day have fun kicking a ball, relaxing at the beach, opening up sweet gifts and know you matter. If things aren’t good with your kids, make them right.  America needs dads.

I thank my dad for making it all better.

My book Finding Dad: From Love Child to Daughter comes out this fall. Learn more here:

http://behlerpublications.com/titles-sundlun.shtml

Link

dad war
On this Memorial Day I take a moment to thank my father and all of the heroes like him who looked death in the face so we could all enjoy parades and bar-b-ques today.

My father Bruce Sundlun was a World War II bomber pilot, who was shot down over Belgium. He was the only one in his crew to not be killed or captured. When he was only 23 years old, an age when I was worried about breaking into TV or living in a cool city, my father was stealing bicycles to stay alive as he rode across Europe trying to find neutral Switzerland without being taken prisoner by the Nazis. By the way he was Jewish. His stories all seemed like fantasy hero tales at the dinner table, when he shared even the slightest detail. I, like many today, just couldn’t grasp all he did to fight for not only our freedom, but for the people in Europe that Americans like him helped to liberate. I couldn’t understand the depth of his strength and sacrifice until I walked a day in his footsteps.

I traveled with the World War II foundation last year to retrace my father’s steps in Jabbekke, Belgium for the documentary they are doing on his heroic escape. It’s called Above and Beyond, and Dad was that. He was a hero to Luc Packo, the Belgian man who has spent his life preserving the legacy of my father’s crew from the Damn Yankee, and who thanks my father, and all the Americans who fought with him, for driving out the Nazis and freeing him to live in his beautiful village and create his own dreams with his loving family. Luc told me American veterans are like Mick Jagger over there, and that when my father came over hundreds turned out to meet him and thank him at the dedication of a memorial to him and his crew. On this day may we all remember the true rock stars like my Dad who helped create a new harmony on earth. Have fun at your cook out, but don’t forget to thank a veteran for your life of liberty. I feel so lucky my father lived to tell his story, and today I send prayers for those who did not.

Here is a link to the clip we ran on Better Connecticut of my trip to retrace my father’s steps.

Above and Beyond will premier August 21st at the Providence Performing Arts Center. You can find out more below about the amazing World War Two Foundation and its mission to teach us about the veterans who fought so we could live freely. It’s a non-profit organization I’m proud to support.

http://www.wwiifoundation.org/category/films/above-and-beyond-coming-soon/